I grow weary of the ups and downs of my moods. Praise and accomplishment bring me to a high while my loneliness and boredom bring me right back down. I feel isolated even in the presence of many, and after the initial excitement of another step forward, I feel bored and unfulfilled. This oscillation has always been a problem for me, and the best example I can give at the moment is my social dynamics in my high school anatomy class. Continue reading “Oscillations of Moods”
After a night of drinking with “friends,” I awake reflective and introspective but have yet to fully regain my mind. I have been lost this past week or so. Lost in a maze of life and my perception of it. Who am I really and what role do I really play? These are the answerable yet unanswerable questions each of us revisits time and time again. These questions haunt me, however, it is in the pondering of these that I receive the sustenance to live, to trek on into the Mud. Continue reading “Merely a Vessel for a Seedling of Beauty”
Normally, I am not sentimental about holidays, birthdays, graduations, and progressions of time, but as I sit at this late hour munching on a cream cheese smothered bagel and sipping distasteful instant coffee, I cannot help the sentiment stirring inside me. I have made it, survived the journey, and acquired shelter, and I’m relieved. Continue reading “A New Life Dawns a New Year”
When I think on my plans for the future, I feel dwarfed by them. The ideas I have are so much greater than myself that I have to ask: is it merely insanity driving me forward? I currently do not have the means nor capabilities to manifest these dreams and know not if I ever will, but still, a force inside me urges me forward. It tells me that it can be done and I will do it. How can I rationalize this compulsion, this irrational drive towards the unknown? How do I not think I am crazy?
I have taken off into an unknown city with the feeling that this is how my existence is to express itself, and after arriving, I have felt further that what I need is here. But, what is this exactly; what does this place provide that Houston did not? Well, let me clarify that I did not find what I mention here in Houston, but perhaps, you can and I just didn’t look very hard. Continue reading “What do I Need Anyways?”
There is only one thing I loathe about the human species beyond repair, and that is its learned helplessness or declared helplessness. Too many claim action for change impossible without even trying, so they do not have to act. Wars, holocaust, genocides, slavery, and the atrocities in their own backyards happen because they, as a species, create and allow it. I am not proud that we let our fear create exactly what we fear. Continue reading “Act for Change: Take Agency in Your Cognitive Evolution”